Breaking the News of a Diagnosis

Breaking the news to others that a loved one has cancer is very difficult and emotional. I was the first to know that my wife had brain cancer. As explained in an earlier post, I was pulled out of her hospital room at 10:00 PM on Mother’s Day and informed of the devastating news. It was heart-wrenching to receive this news at that time of night and returned to her room with a smile, an encouraging word, and fought back tears and worry. I was numb, and felt very alone because I could tell no one, including Lyn. The day was hard enough already, and I certainly did not want to tell her on Mother’s Day. I would have to absorb this news and keep the secret until the morning when the neurologist would break the news.

On Monday May 15, 2017 the neurologist arrived in Lyn’s hospital room to tell us that Lyn had cancer in the brain, which most likely came from an undefined area of the body. During this time, we had dozens of people (including family) that wanted to come visit or would text saying they were praying for Lyn and asked for an update. We held off texting people any news and did not allow visitors at that time. 

Unfortunately, even after the neurologist came in, I could not tell anyone the overwhelming news because I wanted to keep the news confidential until we could tell our children.

After talking with the neurologist and learning the news my mind was flooded with thoughts such as, “How am I going to break the news to the kids?” I wondered if I should tell them all at one time, or individually. I wondered how much information and detail to go into. I struggled emotionally as I wondered how my children would respond to the news about their mom. I decided to tell them all at once in a family meeting in Lyn’s room. Lyn agreed this was best.

However, my best laid plans to tell our children at one time fell apart quickly. While Lyn was in ICU, her condition was generally stable at this point. We encouraged our children to go to work, or school since we were still gathering information. Our thinking was to tell them that evening. My daughter did not go into work that day and decided to come to the hospital. Therefore, I had to decide whether to sit on the information until the other two children arrived, or to tell her.

As Breanna was sitting in the room with us, I decided to break the news to her that her mom had been diagnosed with cancer, which caused a blood vessel to rupture and caused the stroke. I explained that there were approximately four cancer lesions (spots) in the brain, but we would need a specialist to look further. I also informed her that Lyn would soon be taken to get a CT scan to find the source of the cancer.

Within three minutes of telling Breanna, the medical staff came in to tell us that they were taking Lyn to CT to try and find the cancer source. I recall thinking, “Thank God I told Breanna!” I told the staff that we needed a moment for prayer. Breanna, Lyn and I prayed that God would be with Lyn and that the doctors would see what they needed to see.

Later in the day our boys Jordan and Garrett arrived at the hospital and we were able to tell them about the cancer. The only ones that knew that Lyn had cancer at this point was our immediate family. We prayed as a family and decided to keep it confidential until we knew exactly what we were facing. We still needed to get the results of the CT scan to determine the full scope.

The following morning (two days after the stroke) we received word that they found the source. After Lyn had the melanoma removed in 1987, a cell or two floated around and ended up in the right lung. Later in the day Lyn had a needle biopsy to find out what kind of cancer it was, although melanoma was expected.

Three days after the stroke, we had a full diagnosis. Lyn had stage four metastatic lung to brain cancer. 

The news was jolting, and we knew it was going to be jolting to our family and friends. Both Lyn and I had a vast network of amazing friends and colleagues, so the news of Lyn’s stroke passed quickly in our circles, but no one knew of the possible cancer. We decided not to release this information yet. We simply asked for prayers.

Lyn wanted me to post the news on social media, but the timing was complicated. We wanted to break the cancer news in an organized manner. Every family dealing with cancer goes through this same process, and in talking with them, it is difficult. One must decide who to tell, when to tell, how much information to go public, and what stays confidential. For us Lyn wanted everyone to know and have many of the details released so people could pray specifically.

Lyn and I wanted to reach the vast network of friends we had been blessed with during our lives. Within minutes of posting on social media we had an out pouring of texts, and posts from friends worldwide telling us that they were praying for Lyn and our family. We had missionaries in foreign countries (whom we had never met) telling us that their church was praying for Lyn.

I have to say that once we were able to tell everyone it was a huge relief and we felt the power of prayer and experienced the incredible love of our friends. While we still had an uncertain journey ahead, we had a growing team of supporters.

Lyn and I often referred to our team of supporters as, “Team Lyn”. While it took time to get the information out to “Team Lyn,” it did not take long for our team to lift us up. We were so thankful for our team and providing the full details to everyone allowed people to walk the difficult journey with us. We were blessed to have this team. This same team still supports our family. I love “Team Lyn.”