Carrying on Despite Setbacks

During my wife’s illness, we tried our best to carry on living the best quality life possible. Obviously when there is an illness as serious as what Lyn had, it was almost always in the back of our minds. However, there were amazing times where Lyn was responding well to her treatment. It was in those times when we felt extremely blessed, and at times, almost completely forgot that she was ill. She told me on more than one occasion, “I feel so good, that I almost forget that I have cancer.” That was a huge blessing and an answer to a prayer for me!

Those periods of time were unfortunately short-lived because her illness, and the treatment took constant monitoring, analysis, and adjustments. However, we enjoyed those amazing, yet brief periods of peace.

As time continued to march on, we were both feeling blessed that Lyn could continue with work, have morning coffee with her work buddies, and we could take vacations. However, while we did our best to continue to live, we also knew the calendar was not our friend. Every month that was marked off the calendar, was a month closer to her medication reaching a point where it would become less effective. We knew that with her oral chemo program, there was a point in which the cancer needed to be destroyed. Her oral chemo program was specific toward her type of cancer. The medication worked by cutting off a protein that the cancer could feed on. It was very effective, but it had a finite amount of time before the cancer would outsmart the medication.

In January 2019, Lyn was doing relatively well in her treatment. What I mean by relatively well was that Lyn was able to work, play, and carry on with a somewhat normal life. At this time, Lyn had approximately 47 cancerous brain lesions (spots) radiated through Stereotactic Radiosurgery. If you recall from a previous blog, Lyn started with seven spots. Over a period of 19 months, Lyn went in to have additional spots radiated through the targeted radiation.

Lyn’s four cancer spots in her lungs were shrinking, and so we were pleased. However, we were also mindful that we were twelve months into her oral chemo program, and 0-12 months were generally the most effective time. After this period, we expected a decline in effectiveness, and a possible change in medication as well.

It was at the 19 month point in which Lyn and I had a serious talk about moving forward in life (Blog #19: Moving Forward). I did not quite understand why we were having the discussion at the time, because as referenced above, she was doing relatively well. It was not until after her passing that I knew what she was telling me. She was hopeful she could defeat the cancer, but she was clearly accepting the fact that the cancer just kept coming. She was signaling, and telling me, “Jeff, you may need to keep moving forward without me.”

In March 2019, Lyn had to have her regularly scheduled MRI for the brain cancer, and her CT scan for the lung and body. The CT scan continued to show incremental progress for the lung cancer. However, the MRI revealed that Lyn had an additional 12 spots in the brain. The previous 47 had all been treated, and the cancer was being killed by the radiation. However, 12 new spots took the total to 59 spots that would now be treated. Lyn was amazing in her resolve. She never complained. Of course, this news was disappointing and upsetting, but she just faced each challenge with more resolve. Her strength was an amazing thing to watch, but it was not surprising because while Lyn wanted to be healed, she was completely at peace that at the end of life, she would be with God. We appreciated her neurooncologist in that he continued to stay positive with us despite blow after blow of new brain lesions appearing. He was amazing, and Lyn absolutely loved his care, and often prayed for him, and the other team of medical professionals that were caring for her.

After Lyn’s March 2019 MRI, she needed to have the additional 12 spots radiated. While the radiation was a targeted beam to the exact spot, it was still radiation into the brain. There was always a bit of anxiety associated with going in to have it done. The procedure to radiate 12 spots took about 30 minutes. However, this did not count the appointment to look at the MRI, discuss treatment with the neurosurgeon, and mapping the brain.

After Lyn’s treatments, the danger period for her was approximately 30 days after treatment. Lyn ended up in the hospital approximately six times from brain bleeding. The treatment was amazing in that it targeted the spot, but it also caused inflammation, and inflammation can cause bleeding.

In April 2019, once again, Lyn unfortunately had bleeding that impacted her speech. It was also at this time in which Lyn was pulled off her oral chemo program since it was now approximately 15 months into the program. Lyn was once again placed on immunotherapy, which was a once a week IV treatment that strengthened her immune system. This was the treatment that Lyn started on in June 2017 after her diagnosis. It was effective then but changing medications was also alarming because that is when cancer can become aggressive.

Unfortunately, in late April 2019, the cancer became extremely aggressive, but we didn’t really realize what was happening at that time. It became so aggressive so quickly, that it really masked what was happening. We had consultations with her medical team, and it was felt that between the brain bleeding, and the change in medication that she was doing okay. It wasn’t until about three weeks later that we realized through another MRI that it was cancer, and not medications that was causing the problems.

During this time, it was very confusing, and we were in a place that we could not completely grasp. I honestly thought that we could get her back on her oral chemo program and continue the battle. It was not to be. Within approximately two weeks, we started to work with Hospice to prepare for Lyn to enter eternity.

It has now been more than 15 months since Lyn’s passing. This has given me much time to grieve, laugh, cry, remember, question, and move forward. Lyn was the ultimate teacher in that I was able to watch her walk through an agonizing situation where she had a stroke, and had to relearn how to speak, and have joy on a daily basis despite the ravages of medication and cancer.

As I reflect on her journey and faith, I am strengthened, and it’s made me want to carry on my life with happiness, gratitude, and joy. As I wrote in an earlier blog, Lyn wanted to be a part of writing her journey. Despite setbacks, she wanted to make a difference in the lives of others going through life-threatening situations, grief, illness, or hard times. I pray her story (our story) is doing that. God bless.