Enjoy Life Now

Just as I am working through my grief from my wife’s death, there are many that have come beside me that are also working through a cancer journey, life-threatening issues, and grief. A few days ago, I learned a longtime friend received news that the cancer he has been battling for many years has spread. Although I am writing this blog in memory of my wife, it’s important for me to remember those around me that are struggling because of loss, tragedy, cancer and grief of any kind. Like Lyn, I want to be more intentional and involved in the lives of others to help in some little way.

I have learned that my blog is not just speaking and resonating with people battling cancer (or caregivers) but it is speaking to people that are experiencing all types of grief. Many people have told or have written to me about the tragic death of a child, the pain of a divorce, trauma from abuse, and of course suffering from cancer. I want to remember all of you that are experiencing waves of grief, and I pray for you as well.

When my wife had her stroke and cancer diagnosis, it was overwhelming for me at first. However, my wife was a rock in her tenacity to battle her medical issues head-on! I have interwoven this thought through many of the blog posts where Lyn stated, “I don’t want to waste my cancer!” I know for some, this might sound disrespectful, lacking empathy, puzzling, or an attempt to turn cancer into some kind of badge of honor. This is not my intent at all.

In the previous blog, I explained that Lyn recognized she had zero control over the cancer. Therefore, Lyn’s approach to battling cancer was that she wanted to use cancer to bring about something good. So, what did, “Not wasting my cancer” actually look like to her, and what did she do?

Lyn started working on personal and artistic projects. Lyn knew there was nothing she could do about her diagnosis. However, Lyn controlled what she thought about, what she did, and how to show others she was still going to live a productive life. Since she could not talk, she chose to communicate her love for life and others through other methods. She used her God-given gifts to bring joy to others and communicate the hope she had at that moment and eternally.

While Lyn could not talk or write (other than through hand gestures), she quickly learned how to communicate through her giftedness. Lyn had a creative and artistic mind. Any project she began always resulted in a beautiful product or outcome. Not all the projects started the way she intended, but by trial and error she produced things of beauty. She was given many artistic gifts from God and she used them all to the very end.

Lyn’s first project was to continue with sewing projects that she had recently started. As I was sitting in the front room, my wife came down the hallway carrying her sewing machine and simply smiled as to say, “Look what I’m doing.” In all honesty, at first, I was not a big fan of her doing this project since she was suffering from right side coordination issues due to the stroke. Simply put, her working on a sewing machine wasn’t something I was comfortable with. However, there was no stopping her. She was determined.

What was beautiful about this first project was that it was a way to bring us closer together as a team, and to spend quality time together. It worked, and I loved it!

Lyn knew I was struggling in those first days, and she immediately made sure we did things together. She knew she needed me to help her cut the fabric, thread the needle, and to help her with small motor skill processes due to the stroke. I remember it was a beautiful thing to stand beside her to help cut fabric. This was also helping her to retrain the brain on certain motor-skills.

When Lyn started to sew her lines, they were not as straight as normal, and she actually found humor in this. To be honest, some of them were a bit crazy and we laughed together. It was a beautiful thing that she could laugh at herself during such a tough time. When she sewed a crooked line, she would giggle and then rip the seam out and start again. Sometimes I would go over and place my hand over her hand at the sewing machine and together we would sew a line. This project connected us in ways that nothing else in our 27 years of marriage could do.

Lyn wanted to complete this project because she was sewing cooking aprons for family and friends. She made many of them and gave them as special gifts to friends. Her love went into each apron.

A second project Lyn started was painting. She began to grab large flat rocks from our backyard, so she could paint words of encouragement and hope upon them. Lyn gave some away, but placed some of them in our yard, and on the front porch. She painted beautiful designs with one word on each rock: Joy, Peace, Love, prayer, and faith. However, my absolute favorite rock was a simple little rock that was placed in our backyard with the words, “Enjoy Life Now.”

Those were words Lyn would say over and over throughout her journey. After she passed away I frantically searched the rock garden for that rock! At first, I could not find it amongst the hundreds of rocks. Eventually I found it! It is the rock that has the least amount of art, but it’s the rock I love the most because it conveys the message of not wasting her cancer. She was enjoying life now and was using whatever she could to share the love of God with others.

A third item that Lyn chose to do was to play piano. She did this for retraining the brain, but to also use her musical gift to bless others. I loved hearing Lyn play. She taught each of our three children to play piano. I was a lost cause—she gave up on me! Or I might say, to save her sanity I chose to stick to sports. Through our marriage she not only taught piano, she could be heard playing beautiful music. For a recital Lyn played by memory a 39-minute piece of music and played it flawlessly. She was so gifted and used her gift.

She used her cancer to motivate her to bring beautiful music to our world.

Lyn’s battle lasted more than two years, but during this time she did not waste her cancer. Lyn used cancer as a motivator to enjoy life now—just as what was painted on the rock.

The way Lyn lived inspires me to enjoy life now. I pray you can also take something from her life too.