I often have people tell me, “Jeff, I could never write a blog with as much personal information as you give.” It is true that in the previous 21 posts, I provide personal stories, feelings, fears, prayers, and heart-wrenching details about Lyn’s treatment. However, it was Lyn’s wish that we write a blog that was full of life and honesty. She wanted to bring joy, happiness, and hope to people with cancer, caregivers, or those that have grief and struggle.
This is blog #22 and it is less about her cancer journey, and more about Valentine’s Day, and what Lyn found important in life.
Lyn and I were married just short of thirty years. I was sharing with a friend two days ago that while we did not have a charmed life in the sense of having material possessions, we had a charmed marriage in that it was filled with amazing stories of travel adventures, relocating our family to new and exciting places, kids sporting events, and love and romance.
This week marks a new first since Lyn’s passing. In a number of days, it will be Valentine’s Day, and this will be my first Valentine’s Day without her. I wrote in blog #11, called Grieving Through Anniversaries and Milestones, “My partner was beside me for just about everything over the past thirty years of marriage, and an additional two years as we dated and were engaged. Therefore, I am experiencing almost weekly “firsts” and it cuts into me very deeply.”
However, while this is a first, it does not bring heartache and grief. Since Lyn’s illness, I have a different view of this day. I do enjoy Valentine’s Day, because it’s a day to be reminded about love. Love is so important! Children pass out sweet cards on this day. Couples go to dinner, exchange gifts, and give flowers. While I had more than 30 Valentines’ Days with Lynnie, and we loved this special day, it’s not nearly as emotional for me to work through, compared to other significant days we celebrated.
After Lyn’s stroke and cancer diagnosis in spring 2017, Valentine’s Day in 2018, and 2019 were much different for me because I had a different perspective on what was truly important in life. My life focus changed forever. In fact, those two Valentines’ Days were probably the most amazing of all our Valentines’ Days, and we did very little to celebrate. The reason the last two were so special with Lyn was that we recognized that she was blessed to be alive. She could have passed away multiple times, but God gave us more time.
We recognized it was not just about a day—a Valentine Day, but it was about time. In fact, just a day ago a close friend reminded me the importance of time. We were blessed with time, so the actual Valentine’s Day wasn’t that big of a deal because we were thankful for everyday and remembered the important things.
Throughout our marriage we were almost always able to remember the important things, such as love, family, commitment, support, and friendship. We did not always have the greatest cars, lavish home décor, or take the fanciest vacations, but we were thankful for what we had and for the love we had for each other.
I was reminded of what Lyn deemed as important when going through some of her folders. When going through some of Lyn’s folders, I found a handwritten letter from the year 2000. The letter was from me to her on Valentine’s Day. It wasn’t a card, but a “fancy” letter. Both of us were never a fan of the corporate card with someone else’s words written. We generally found blank cards, or simply wrote a letter.
I found this letter in a folder where Lyn kept her monthly budgeting, and upcoming bills. The letter was written on a piece of stationary, and I decorated the letter with rubber stamps that she had in her craft supplies. To be honest, the letter is pretty ugly! But, she kept the letter not for its visual beauty—it was to remind her what was important.
At first, I could not understand why this letter was in her folder because she kept all old cards and letters in another area. However, after reading the letter, it made sense. The letter I wrote to her said the following:
“My dear, it is not the fanciest card, but realize there is no card filled with more love. Our eleven years of marriage have been wonderful. I love you very much. I wish I could buy you everything your heart desires, but for now my love must fill in for the things we don’t have. I love you and you are wonderful.”
Lyn had this card tucked into her monthly financial folder as a reminder that we did not need fancy stuff because we had love. This card served as a monthly reminder to her that we had enough, and we were blessed. While I wrote the words, “I wish I could buy you everything your heart desires,” in reality, all her heart ever desired was to give and receive love from her family and friends. Love, and spending time with me, our family, and our friends was more important than stuff.
As I recollect the past two Valentines’ Days, it brings a smile to my face, and I am full of gratitude. I wish Lynnie could be her for another Valentine’s Day and be my valentine, but she is dancing in heaven for all eternity. I am thankful for the little things she left behind that helps me remember what’s truly important on this side of sunshine.
Happy Valentine’s Day! Show your love to someone by giving the most important thing you have—time.
excellent reminder
Thank you Heidi for your comment and reading the blog!
Thanks Jeff, great reminder of those truly important things in life. Love of one another. Amen!
Marty, thank you for your kind comment. I am glad you able to see the positive and hopeful message. Blessings my friend.