The Importance of Communication and Staying Balanced

Whenever I go to the doctor for my annual appointment the first check of my blood pressure is always high, and I have to sit, and have it rechecked. It is frustrating, but common because going to the doctor for many people is a stressful experience. Leading up to an oncology appointment, there was an undeniable sense of anxiety that we had to work through. In talking with others that battled their disease, many shared different ways to work through the anxious moments. 

In our situation what helped was talking things through as a couple, and to pray. We talked everything out, such as concerns, the “what if,” and how she was feeling about the treatment path. What did we pray about? We prayed for internal peace. We prayed for strength. We prayed that God would heal Lyn. We prayed that God would use Lyn’s life and cancer for something good. We prayed for our doctors and that they would receive the wisdom that comes only from God. We found that how we responded to issues was one of the only areas of control we had.

When things are out of control, you look for something that is within your control. For us, this was God. This little bit of communication with God was central to our emotional and spiritual wellbeing.

Communication with each other and spending time in prayer obviously did not make her cancer go away, but it provided the essential peace that we needed during this battle. Not only did we have greater peace, we drew closer to each other and to God during this time. I treasure those special conversations that we had together, and with God. 

Communication had a calming effect as we talked through her illness, strategy and treatment. We wanted to balance our emotions, and for the most part we were able to do this throughout Lyn’s entire journey. We never got too high with good news, or too down with bad news. Of course, we always had to celebrate those victorious moments over Lyn’s favorite, a Mocha Frappuccino, after an oncology appointment! But even in those moments when God blessed Lyn with a positive medical report, we tried to stay emotionally balanced. 

Staying balanced also prevented us from becoming angry. We never lashed out at family, friends, or to God about the cancer. Some would ask if we were angry. I would ask, “Angry at what or who?” Some would express they were angry toward God, or the cancer itself. One thing we knew was that we were not going down the path of blame or anger. Cancer just happens. God did not cause the cancer as a punishment. 

In the last blog I made the point that we made a cognizant decision to choose joy! We were not going to waste our energy thinking or being angry about cancer. We needed to get on with battling this terrible disease, focusing on stroke recovery, and living life to the best of our ability. Lyn refused to allow cancer to dominate her life.

Looking back, I am thankful that Lyn and I were a perfectly matched team that focused on the positive things in our life. We maintained a hopeful outlook. We had medical hope as she was being treated on cutting-edge medicine, but also eternal hope that no matter what happened we had eternal life with God in the end. This attitude shaped the two-year journey and allowed us to focus more on each other, and our family, and less about the cancer.

Lyn often said, “Sometimes I forget I even have cancer.” What a blessing it was to hear her say this! Many people she worked with have recently told me that Lyn just continued to live and laugh. No one ever heard her complain, because she never did. 

Was cancer a huge part of our life—absolutely! However, because we maintained balance and had good communication, cancer was just a part of the journey and discussion, and not the overarching focus of our life.