The Importance of Hope

I have heard from many friends that this time of year is brutally difficult for those that have lost a loved one. I concur. In November I would have celebrated my 30^th anniversary with my wife. On the heels of our anniversary was Thanksgiving, and then we immediately launched into the Christmas rush.

This Christmas season has been emotionally difficult. I had my fresh Christmas tree sitting in the garage for a week before I could get it into the house. With the help of my youngest son, Garrett, we managed to bring out the favorite decorations. We “attempted” to decorate the house just as Lyn would have decorated. What is interesting is that while I have the same decorations, I quickly recognized it’s not the tree, the lights, the stockings, or the decorations that make Christmas special, but the lives that we share Christmas with that makes it special.

I am so thankful for the memories. This week I was talking with a friend, and I told her I am thankful for not only memories, but also the pictures and video. A hundred years ago it was quite rare to have a family photo at Christmas. I have many pictures from Christmas past that brings a smile to my face.

On Christmas Eve I went back to my wife’s chief oncologist. Other than a few emails exchanged between me and the doctor, I had not been back to speak to him or the staff. I felt going back to oncology was an important step in my grief process.

I wrote a detailed thank you letter, and along with taking a box of candy and a Christmas card, I delivered it to the oncology department. It was less emotional than I thought it would be, but it was still a difficult journey from the parking lot to the department. As I walked, floods of memories came to mind.

I recall the first time arriving at the oncology department. I remember sitting in the waiting room and filling out a pile of paperwork. I remembered Lyn being called by the staff to the exam room. The staff always greeted us warmly.

On Christmas eve I was once again greeted warmly. I did not get to meet with Lyn’s doctor because he was out for Christmas. However, I met with his nurse. She greeted me, and we had a nice time sharing about the last six months since Lyn’s passing. She recognized how difficult this time of year is for those that have lost someone, and even for those going though uncertainty, and difficult treatments.

As I shared, I explained that I had two Christmas seasons with Lyn after her diagnosis, and I am thankful for what time I had with her. I was also able to share with the nurse what an important part they played in our life. I expressed that they became a part of our extended family and I thanked her for her smile and kindness. I told her that when we came to see them for the first time, the thing we needed was hope.

Hope was the most important thing we could have received on the first visit, and they delivered. Hope was the most important thing for us because we needed something to launch us forward. Hope brings confidence and provides energy and determination to battle the terrible disease and push on. Hope needed to be first because medication options and treatment came later. Hope is what we were looking for, and Lyn’s doctor and the staff provided it.

As we were talking, I told her, “I know you have hundreds of people that come through the door on a weekly basis, and I want to thank you for what you do.” She lit up and thanked me.

As I finished my conversation with the nurse, I talked about this blog. I explained that in the Christmas card there were several blog business cards to handout to staff. I explained that the blog is connecting with not just cancer patients, but many people who have had loss and are experiencing grief.

During Lyn’s two-plus years of treatments we saw many who were extremely ill. Some waiting for treatment had looks of fear, pain, and despair. Some people waiting alongside us were friendly, and some would share their stories. We saw some of the same faces for every treatment. Some people cried. We had many opportunities to try and bring hope to the lives of those around us.

Lyn and I would often sit and when the opportunity presented itself, we would share her journey and hope. We discovered on several occasions that our interaction with those waiting alongside us wanted to talk and process what was happening to them.

Even though Lyn has been gone for more than six months, I continue to share her story every day. Lyn wanted to bring happiness and hope to people she encountered, especially those experiencing cancer. It is my daily goal to continue to share her story, and bring encouragement and hope to those battling cancer, and experiencing grief of all kinds.

As I turn the page to 2020, I pray that everyone reading This Side of Sunshine uses his or her life to bring hope to those around them. I plan to be more aware of those around me and try and do small acts of kindness for those in need. While I cannot impact everyone, I know that I can bring hope to people one at a time.

May 2020 be an amazing year for you.